This Atheist's Bible

Dear Aster,

You know what’s coming. It’s been coming for years. Ever since I stuck the 1,258 page behemoth that is The Great Book of Amber on a shelf in your childhood bedroom and insisted you read it. Back then, I cared not that it is oh-so-painfully not your style of book: a prominent member of the fantasy genre at its purest, with a heavy focus on masculine elements. Oof. I apologize. I didn’t mean to be so pushy, but it takes a level of maturity to grasp the wisdom of ‘to each their own.’

And yet, here I am, about to subject you to a whole Dame post about the sacred text of my life. Here we go!

See That Crack in the Sidewalk? That’s A Portal, That Is!

When I was little, my mom and I played a game whenever we needed to walk somewhere. We would designate a border of some sort — a stick, a line in the pavement, etc. — and pretend that when we stepped over it, we would be transported into a magical world, where ordinary things become extraordinary. We would take turns describing what we see and making up stories of epic adventures. That city bus, with its noxious fumes and creaking brakes, is actually an ancient dragon, wounded in battle and dragging his bleeding carcass back to his mountain. That one-legged pigeon is actually a cursed knight, who angered a druid and got himself transformed into this sad, avian state. That little old lady, sniffing and squeezing the plums at the market stand? Oh that’s actually an evil witch, picking out ingredients for a poison drought to kill us all. You get the gist.

My mom invented the game, and I always wondered where the inspiration came from. Until one day, when I was about twelve, we were hanging out at the Skokie Public Library (after a lively rehearsal of Medved’ (The Bear), no less — sorry, reader, that is an Aster story for another time ;-), and my mom stumbled across this monstrosity of a book. She realized what it was and got, like, sooo excited. She read it initially in Russian, so finding it randomly at an American library was quite awesome for her. And that is how the chronicles of Amber came into my possession, and they have not left it since. It is only when I got done reading it the first of hundreds of times that I understood that this tome was responsible for much of my mom’s imaginative inventions and her magical ability to walk through different worlds. Apparently, it also became responsible for my general life philosophy, so here we are.

About The Book

Okay, so while Amber is fantastical fiction, it isn’t as fairy tale-ish as I made it out to seem so far. The basic premise is this: Amber is a place at the heart of a royal family of very ambitious people, most of whom are vying for the throne at all costs for various reasons. At first glance, it’s full of plots, intrigue, and sword fighting, a la 17th century European high society. But the more interesting aspect of this family is that all of them have the magical ability to ‘walk through shadows.’ Amber is at the center of a myriad of worlds that are essentially its shadows, or versions of it. The closer the shadows are to the source, the more like it they are. Amber is the only (somewhat) “true” place, the only “real” place, and thus all the contenders want its throne. They could technically find a nearby dimension that is an almost-exact replica, but since they are the royal family, they know that the real Amber exists, and will settle for nothing less. Anyhooms.

The family members walk through shadows, or rather manipulate them to travel throughout the different worlds. When I first read it, this book was merely an exciting adventure story. But, as I got older and reread it many times, I started paying a lot more attention to the process of shadow manipulation and the nature of shadows in general. I began seeing shadow-play as a commentary on an approach to life — to its obstacles, to its unpredictability, to its unwieldiness. Let me try to explain what I mean.

Baby Steps Towards the Goal

The process of walking through shadow in the book involves manipulating reality around you to gradually — very gradually — reach a desired destination. So, when a character is trying to reach, or create, a certain place, they start working with what is around them, altering tiny details in the flora and fauna to eventually match those of their target locale. There is beauty in this precipitous manifestation of desires. In real life, you cannot expect to just get what you want the moment you start wanting it. It’s a slow process of starting where you are, working with what you got, and gradually altering small details to bring yourself closer to wherever you want to be. Viewing progress this way helps me keep some of my overachiever anxieties at bay and allows me to let myself relax and enjoy the ride sometimes. Which brings me to my next point.

If a Stream Is In Your Path, Consider Finding Your Thirst

When I first started reading Amber, I used to be a bit annoyed by the lengthy descriptions of shadow walks because I didn’t see a point in them. I thought, “why can’t we just skip to the part where he arrives in the new world? Why do I need to read three pages worth of landscape description where he changes the sky color from blue to orange to pink, while shifting the rocky terrain to a snowy tundra?” Well, as I grew older, I began enjoying these passages more because I started finding interesting nuances within them. Specifically, the characters don’t just move through shadows, changing them as they go. They actually pause every now and then to interact with their surroundings, even if they are not perfect yet. They let their horse drink from the mountain stream before transforming it into a forest path. They stop to enjoy a picnic on a scenic cliff before tweaking it to be a passage through an underground cave. They appreciate and benefit from every step of the journey, and they are not strictly defined by their destination. My ambitious and perfectionist self has a lot of peace and tranquility to gain from such a mentality.

Gotta Give to Get

Another philosophical aspect of shadow walking involves the importance of balance and compromise. Any time a character tries to make a shift in their reality, there are limitations. They cannot have everything they want — they must give up certain parts of their present world to be able to build a new one. And isn’t that exactly how real life works? We often get so wrapped up in the getting of things (careers, positions, possessions, partners, etc.), that we don’t consider the things we will inevitably lose if those things manifest. We don’t think about the promiscuous freedom we might miss when we are diving into a romantic relationship. We don’t think about the independent agency we might need to give up when we are accepting a job offer at our dream company. The shadow walks in Amber help me keep this in mind, reminding me that everything I gain in life will naturally cost me something else. And that is okay. That is how life works.

All Possibilities Exist Somewhere

The last piece of Amber wisdom I will share here involves a particular quote:

“I was drawing nearer to my Avalon when I came upon the wounded knight and the six dead men. Had I chosen to walk on by, I could have reached a place where the six men lay dead and the knight stood unwounded—or a place where he lay dead and they stood laughing. Some would say it did not really matter, since all these things are possibilities, and therefore all of them exist somewhere in Shadow.”

In the infinite framework of shadows, of worlds that reflect the true Amber, everything is possible. Everything can come into existence, if only one keeps on walking. All outcomes are possible in all situations. It takes patience and conscientious movement, but everything is possible. So, right now, as we both struggle to figure out the world of independent employment, this idea is quite heartwarming for me. Yes, there is a possibility that the road we walk will lead us to utter failure, but even if it does, if we keep walking, we will eventually get to where we want to go. It’s idealistic, I know, but it also feels oddly real. After all, think about the obstacles we have overcome in the past. There have been some pretty daunting ones, and yet we persevered. And we shall persevere again and again, as long as we keep walking.

Love,

Orchid

P.S. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about love, baby. What small details, actions, or traits make you have moments of realization that, yup, that’s it right there — that is love? What romantic (or not) gestures give you butterflies in real life or in fiction? I am not talking about big, crucial things like emotional support, communication skills, respect, etc. I am referring to the little things that inexplicably take your breath away and make it impossible not to smile.

I have always found instances of clandestine connection and support while in public very touching. I am not talking about PDA, not exactly. You know that scene in The Wedding Date, when we first meet Amy, and she obnoxiously demands Kat’s cocktail? As soon as this happens, Nick quietly slides his own drink over to Kat. There is no pompous showiness here, no expectation of acknowledgment. It’s just a simple and extremely meaningful gesture that makes Kat feel that she is not alone, that someone, at least, has her back in this awkward situation. I melt every time.

[Currently listening to “Save the Last Dance For Me,” The Wedding Date version, of course!]