Cliff Jumping, Anyone?

Well, I just went on a whole journey of self-re-discovery—thank you for that! As the good student that I am, I chose to do all of my homework and go above and beyond, re-taking all 4 big personality tests you mentioned in your query, my dear Aster. Before I jump into what I actually think about my own character traits, here are my comprehensive results:

(Feel free to skip down, if this part gets tedious! ;-)

MBTI: I am an ENFJ—a Protagonist—which means that I “feel called to serve a greater purpose in life,” that I am “thoughtful and idealistic,” that I “strive to have a positive impact on other people and the world.” Apparently, I am also a natural-born leader.

Sparketype: I am primarily a Scientist, “driven by... deep sense of purpose in the pursuit of an answer to a burning question, or the solution to a significant problem,” and secondarily an Essentialist, finding “a deep sense of satisfaction in the pursuit of simplifying and creating order.”

DISC: I come in at a whopping 44% Dominant, which means that I “place a strong emphasis on shaping the environment and overcoming opposition to accomplish results,” and that I am “motivated by winning, competition, and success.”

Enneagram: I am pretty evenly split between Types 3, 2, and 7: the achiever, the giver, and the enthusiast. I have a “desire to be significant and to distinguish [myself] through [my] achievements;” “to belong and to be loved by others;” and “to experience everything life has to offer while avoiding pain and boredom.”

While we’re here, I am compelled to add that my primary Love Languages are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation, and that I have always been a proud Ravenclaw.

Phew. That was a lot. Looking at this all together honestly makes me feel like I wouldn’t fancy being around me if I wasn’t me. I sound like a snooty, pushy, selfish bitch. Am I actually this? I suppose I can be. Sorry, world!

I know, I know—that is a very shallow, generalizing assessment of profiles that are actually fleshed out and detailed, and that there is so much more in each one of them that is insightful and true to who I actually am. I know. I have a healthy respect for personality tests like these, and I do believe they can be powerful tools. (Check out my additional thoughts here!)

However, I would like to address a trait that some of the tests only hint at, which nevertheless has been sort of a driving force in my life. You know those videos of cats, sitting on a table next to a mug? They are staring directly into the camera, making eye contact with their human, who assertively demands that the cat not even think about IT. There is a moment of hesitation as a fluffy paw hangs delicately above the vulnerable chalice, when the human—along with all of the internet—holds on to the hope of a good outcome. Of course, more often than not, the cat proceeds to smugly push the mug off the table, shattering it, before disappearing with a fabulous “fuck you” flourish.

I am that cat; that cat is me.

There have been countless times when my decision making left something to be desired. It goes beyond mere impulsiveness—although you of all people, my Aster, know that there is enough of that, too. In those moments, I don’t just act without thinking; I am a very calculating person as many of my test results have rightly shown. I do consider all of the outcomes, and I understand all of the potential consequences of each choice. And then, I still choose the thing that does not necessarily make sense.

Most of the time, these choices lead to pretty destructive or offensive behavior. For instance, I knew full well that chugging liquor while driving our teenage butts around the neighborhood was not a good idea; and lo and behold—this decision led to our very first fight. (Remember?) I also knew that squatting in the middle of a 7-11 parking lot and inadvertently peeing on my astonished date’s shoes nine years ago was not a good idea; this little adventure led to the first big fight I had with my now-life-partner. Last summer, I very clearly recognized the big-ass patch of poison ivy before plunging into it head-first to get a frisbee; you can imagine the outcome.

Much like my feline partners in crime, I tend to be very lucky—thank heavens. So, most of these incidents do not turn into something irreversibly traumatic. After a couple hours of cooperative and silent mail sorting, you eventually forgave my recklessness. After a couple days of seething disbelief and enraged profanity, my beloved fuzzy wuzzy chose to look past my odd urination habits. After a couple excruciating weeks of oozing puss and trying to take my entire epidermis off, I finally healed without any noticeable scarring. Having said all of this, I can’t really guarantee that I won’t be repeating some of these actions if the mood strikes me again at some point.

And an even greater silver lining to this odd trait of mine consists of the amazing outcomes that are possible when I do choose to knock the mug off the table. The most vibrant example of this is the decision to complete my student teaching abroad. At the time, I was engaged and on track to becoming a proper wife, mother, and teacher—in that order of importance. From the get-go, I knew that making the choice to live in Rome for five months would likely crumble this relationship and derail the whole white picket fence plan. And yet, I chose to go, and it turned out to be the best decision of my life. It did end my engagement (thank you!!!), but it also taught me incredible independence, expanded my mind, and instilled in me a confidence that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

I suppose I am the type of person that is driven by an inexplicable urge to jump off a cliff, even if I know I might crash in the process. And, luckily, most of the time I either land on my feet or come away with minor bruises. Here’s to my luck never ending, I suppose; because this quality of mine isn’t going any time soon.

Love always,

Obnoxious Orchid

P.S. Okay, let’s talk apocalypse. Is the idea of a possible end of ze world something you think about? Maybe even welcome? What would you look forward to? What would you be concerned about? What would be your plan? How do you think your own personality would fare in an uncivilized, unstructured society?

[Currently listening to: Manu Chao’s Clandestino album! Because this would probably be MY apocalypse soundtrack. Oh, let’s face it: it’s the soundtrack to my whole damn life!]